Browneyes Hire Paper football world champ as consultant

The Brook Park Browneyes have made headlines once again for their outside the box approach to strategy. The team, after numerous interviews has decided to hire former professional paper football great Justina Tucker. Tucker is also known in the drag community for her guady performances and her innovative approach to hiding wang. Tucker was less formally known as “the accountant”, as she was known for her ability to consistently push paper. “We believe that kicking is a mental game and there is a significant amount of cross over between the two mediums. Justina, being a drag queen also knows what being in the lime light, and believes that this cognitive empathy will serve her well in the consulting role.” said GM Andrew Berry when prompted for comment. Her resume stands to the scrutiny of the paper football community, both officially via the press, and unofficially with the fans.

Greatness begets greatness, and if we can’t hire football greatness, paper football is the next best thing. Curuious about this line of reasoning, people asked why not go with flag football, or even collegiate football, to which Berry responded that not many people knew that professional paper football was a full contact sport, often times more violent then the traditional game. He also said “Mario Kart is another great game that as you move up the rankings, becomes a full contact game, little people know that. Berry Paused “ Sorry I didn’t mean little people like fucking midgets, I meant to say few people know it. Although I guess it stands to reason little people also know it because they would be the first to get weeded out as contact began to scale up. “Not Necessarily.” said another reporter “Little people, if the game was to be organized by weight class could still be incredibly competitive, they often make great weight lifters as their muscular proportions give them strong leverages to move the weight.” Berry replied “Excuse my ignorance. That is a very good point, thank you for that.” In a showing of his own humility and ability to accept that he was wrong, character traits we have yet to see displayed throughout the season.